Accounting for Humanity

As I find myself now nearly 8 months out from my PhD (or the viva anyway), I am becoming ever more aware of the difficulty in choosing direction.

For me it feels like there is a mysterious dilemma in research, there is this line somewhere that, one one side, you stay centred and become an “expert”, but on the other side, you go “rogue” and become the dreaded “Jack of all trades, master of none”. I know this is an early career interpretation, maybe in time I will indeed learn to take ownership of said line. However, for now, it very much feels like my path has suddenly splits into 3; the “too much of the same/boring”, the “all over the place no focus/expertise”, and then there is this one in the middle that’s “just right”. The choice seems obvious right? There is a problem though; this 3rd path is incredibly difficult to traverse.

Post PhD – Imposter Syndrome

I admit I was very lucky to not have experienced imposter syndrome during my PhD but, once the clarity of the PhD fell away leaving me free to run off into the world, I learned that this freedom comes with a price.

I can research whatever I wish now, every whim can become a project, a paper, a thought piece. But, if I seamlessly flit from one place to another, will I be taken seriously as a researcher? Should I “pick a lane” and stay in it, does that help gain me entry into research circles? How do I know what exactly my “lane” is?

The idea for my thesis was never for it to be a “one and done”, I very much view it as the beginning of a collective body of research however again I face another dilemma, what stops a collective/expertise from becoming a “one trick pony”?

On top of all of this is my interdisciplinary background. I carry art/architecture and accounting thinking in my blood; they are inseparable, I cannot remove design thinking from social sciences critical thing. Now I fully view this as strength, my mind exists in two powerfully critical and interpretive worlds but, this can mean that I forever live with the question; is this “accounting” enough to be accepted?

The Silver-ish Lin(e)ing?

Part of me very much wants to embrace the Edward Gorey approach and proclaim “GUFFAW!” to the norm, but I also know that Gorey had to create his own publishing house to give many of his works a home, and even with this, it is mostly is externally published works that he best remembered for.

So as I fine myself battling with this line or 3-part path (side thought: maybe the line is the 3rd “just right” path?) there is one helping hand; history.

My PhD was a work of accounting history, and history is a vast field. Therefore, if select my “central field” wisely, I can give myself the needed tools to traverse that 3rd path. The key however, will be making sure that foundation block is solid.

Accounting for Humanity after all?

As my thesis and I move into this next phase of life, we have collected a crew of outcasts to join us. My interests have delved into death and funerary research, Scottish business and banking history, social and state power, the Scottish Witch Hunts, and of course, the impact of technology remains central.

Looking at this though, something does stand out. There is a thread running through all of this: Humans. In the early days of my thesis, and of this blog, I often spoke of the desire to be an “accounting anthropologist”, and I think that is coming to the fore as I embark on new projects and papers.

I cannot say if this “is it accounting enough” issue will ever subside, I may forever be struggling against this phantom research line, but I cannot ignore that accounting exists because humans made it so. Accounting is so deeply engrained in our societies that, once you find a connection, you see it everywhere; and I think that is something worth a second look.

Where is this going?

If/when I read this post back, I will undoubtedly see a plethora of non-sensical, contradictory thoughts and ideas. However, the act of committing these confused thoughts to “paper” does make them seem less confusing.

I’m still standing before this 3-pronged fork in the road, but I am slowly figuring out the tools I need to tackle the path I want to take. The thing is, none of these paths are wrong, but I do need to make sure I am well equipped to handle the one I choose.

So for now, I am not going anywhere it seems (anti-climatic I know), but I am building up to it. At some point I will have every thing I need and I will take off running into the future. But for now I will, as the old song goes, “pack up my troubles in an old kit bag and smile” as who knows what tomorrow may bring…

(A vastly appropriate book to represent this post I think…)