Accounting for Humanity

Disclaimer 1: When referring to author of the journal being discussed, I have used they/them pronouns as I do not know their preferred terms and do not wish to assume.

Disclaimer 2: This may contain spoilers for the Barbie Movie (I am not 100% certain they are spoilers but, in case they are, maybe read after seeing the movie if you wish to see it)

This is not the topic I planned for this week (I shall postpone that post to another time) but my supervisor shared an exceptionally interesting paper with the team this week and it triggered a powerful response (and some interesting personal realisations) that I thought to intriguing not to share.

The aforementioned paper was ‘Me, the Patriarchy, and the Business School‘ by Andrea Prothero (hopefully the link grants access if not, you may have to take my reflections on good faith). The paper explores Prothero’s (2023) career experience within a university business school. As an XX human or societally described “female” myself, a paper concerning gender and patriarchy was perhaps guaranteed to prompt a powerful response however, even with that knowledge, the intensity of my response while reading Prothero’s (2023) experience was unexpected.

Of further interest, by coincidence I also watched the Barbie Movie yesterday. While it may seem ambitious or odd to place Barbie in the same realm as an academic journal paper, I find myself fascinated by the remarkable number of similarities in the messages of these two works…

2 Very Different Mediums with 1 Very Similar Message

As one should expect, the general ‘woman-experience’ checklist (such a thing should not exist) addressed in both paper and movie; sexual harassment, gaslighting, unrealistic expectations on beauty & personality, and of course exclusion/denial from places of power.
Prothero (2023) shares their “death by a million cuts” a hugely powerful metaphor explained as, society viewing one small cut in insolation is deemed insignificant but, to view the whole picture, one cut for every harm caused by patriarchal systems, it can be seen that the victim is actually bleeding to death. In every cut there is Prothero’s (2023) denial for promotion, their salary inequality (which their employer explains being due to age, as their male counterpart is a whole 10 days older, so we see sexism and ageism if 10 days is significant enough to justify a higher salary), and belittlement by male staff and students alike. The inclusion of the students generated the most surprise (even though it should not have). Removing (for a moment) gender from the equation, I was raised on the principle of respecting your teachers/elders/fellow humans/etc, never once was I told that this rule only applied to men yet, Prothero’s (2023) experience clearly demonstrates that gender appears to dismantle this basic concept of humanity.

Before exploring Barbie, it should be acknowledged that the message in the movie is embedded with comedic delivery/undertones, perhaps to make the reality more palatable for the male contingent, as opposed to making light of the female/non-binary reality. For Barbie, there were many moments that struck as significant however, there is one in particular that created a strong impact. Upon meeting toy company Mattel’s board of executives, Barbie asks to speak “to the woman in charge” as she is concerned about the ‘condition’ of the real world. At this moment, Barbie learns that there is no woman in charge; the CEO, CFO, COO and every subsequent chief executive is male. Attempting to defend an all-male board, the CEO proclaims that women make this company because he is “the son of a mother”. This, as noted earlier, is delivered as a joke however, in that moment, I (for the first time in my life) could relate to Barbie. Barbie and I realised simultaneously that women are more likely to be connected to positions of power via a familial or marital link rather than holding that position themselves.

So back to that question of what’s in a name…

So why am I talking about names and identity in the title up there as there has been no mentions of names so far?
As stated, both paper and movie explore the “checklist” items in the female experience accessory pack however, there is another detail in both Prothero (2023) and the Barbie Movie, that had a particularly powerful personal affect.

In their paper, Prothero (2023) recalls an experience where a classroom informed them that they were in the wrong place as they were waiting on “Andy”, a male lecturer. For Prothero (2023), first name Andrea (who was in the correct place), this triggered strong and relenting sense of imposter syndrome. As a non-male, Andrea was not permitted and did not deserve to be Andy, Andy was a man and thus, Andrea was the ‘other’. “Otherness” is a powerful and debilitating experience for a human, it is a highlighting of something out with the norm, something that does not belong. As social creatures’ humans embed much of our being into our identities and belonging, and to have a part of that identity taken without consent can be the equivalent of pulling the foundations out of a building. For Prothero (2023) it seems that “Andy” thus became a reminder that they were not deserving of their identity, they did not meet student expectation, they were not “man enough” to be Andy, they did not belong.

Equally in the Barbie Movie, we witness “Stereotypical Barbie” (her given model name) experience a crisis of identity. To Stereotypical Barbie, “Barbie” is symbolic of an idea, Barbie is an “every-thingness” that she believes she is not. Barbie is a president, an astronaut, a rock star, a doctor, a scientist, a Nobel prize winner, a supreme court judge and so much more but, she is none of these things, she is just “Stereotypical Barbie”, no special skill or career, just Barbie. In time Barbie learns that she is more than Stereotypical Barbie but, in this lesson, she also realises that she is still not Barbie, her name has defined her and without it she does not know who she is, Barbie was her identity.
In both cases there is an interesting connection in name, gender and identity and further, there is suggestion as to how patriarchal systems can degrade that identity through the gendering of names.

My name, my struggle, my saviour…

I admit my struggles growing up were more aligned to my surname (a polish surname seems to be a metaphorical target on your back for bullies). However, my first name did not escape unscathed but interestingly, it is my first name that today holds the most challenge in building my identity as a woman.

“Lesley’s a boy’s name” were the words my paternal grandmother uttered to my mum when she shared my given name with her. This experience has undoubtedly irritated my mum more than it did me however, on reflection, there is an indicator of the identity crisis to come here. In these words, I was marked before my birth with a tainted identity, it was not a positive affirmation that the 21st century would bestow to what is a relatively gender-neutral name, instead to some I would be “Lesley, Garden of Holly” (the meaning of the name Lesley apparently) to others I would be “Leslie, why does she have a boy’s name?”.

Instigative grandmothers aside, I was welcomed and raised in stereotypical “girl” fashion; pink, dresses, even Barbies. Yet, among all my girly-ness (and weirdness but we will talk about that another time), I was Lesley, and I had no issue with that.

I enjoyed 12 years as Lesley before the problems began to arise, emerging from the deep of the almost unbearable teenage and high school years, arguably the pivotal years in developing one’s identity and place in the world. It started with my surname, most memorably I was called a Nazi (a right of unwelcome passage for my family it seems) even though, my grandfather fought valiantly in the Polish navy with the allies, evidently history was not my bullies forte. This was the first chip in my identity armour. I grew to hate my surname, if I had a “normal” surname I would not have been targeted, “Niezynski” became the symbol of my bullying and pain, it was the reason why I was bullied (spoiler: it was not the reason, they were just awful people). Of course, you can only go so far with “Niezynski” and after the Nazi gaff, the jokes ran out. “Lesley” however, that had some equal potential…

“Lesley” it turns out can have the word “bean” added on for bully entertainment. Now, why being a lesbian is something that should be used as an insult is completely unknown to me (even upon reflection, I do not recall being upset at the thought of being called a lesbian, I was just upset that it usually meant they were warming up for further appearance-related ridicule), but again my name had found a way to make my life miserable (as had my height, my hair and my apparent ugliness). With every day that passed, with every corruption of my name, a part of that delightfully weird little girl fell away, leaving behind a hollow shell of a human.

Throughout these years my identity collapsed into crisis, I did not know who I was, or what I had done to deserve such circumstance. My name was the marker of my failure, the beacon of my social unacceptance. I was a loser and worse, a tainted loser, the one that nice kids avoided so not to be pulled into the vortex of darkness with me. At this point, a part of me believed that if I had a different name, I would have been a different person, I would have been happy.

At that time, I admit I did not put much to my gender being the source of my bullying but, reflecting now I do suspect that had I been male, my experience would have been very different. Would they have commented on my looks if I were male? Thinking specifically about my height, would it have been accepted if I were a tall boy rather than a tall girl? (side note, I am average height, I just grew to my full height quickly).
Furthermore, how does bullying “fit” with the female experience and how do girls and women overcome it? There is a societal expectation that as a girl or woman you should behave in a “ladylike” manner i.e., just sit there and take it. In contrast, had I taken the approach of my brother and father before me, who swiftly ended bulling with a swift punch, would I have been celebrated or punished? Ladies do NOT fight…

Interestingly, there is also something I had not considered until writing this post; I was an intelligent girl, bullied by boys, and there is a patriarchal suggestion in this. Both in Prothero’s (2023) noting their more than worthy academic abilities and another scene in the Barbie Movie where, Barbie upon winning the Nobel Prize responds “Thanks, I deserve this”, we are introduced to women who are unashamedly (and rightly) confident in their skills. This aspect, their confidence in their minds, are then where both women are found to be supressed by patriarchal systems of power.
I was never ashamed of my intelligence. It was the one area that the bullies could not diminish, I was smarter than them and we both knew it (side note: I was not walking around acting superior). Perhaps they saw the threat of a girl with potential for greatness, someone who, if left unchecked, might think she was entitled to opportunities to fulfil that potential. Opportunities that were not meant for women. Ironically, while they succeeded in destroying my confidence and, to an extent my belief in my deservedness of good opportunities, my intelligence never wavered, and it would be that would free me from them in time.

Leslie vs Lesley

As an adult I have come once more to feel proud of my name (after much therapy and self-work). My name is now a badge of my identity and heritage, one with such importance that I obtained Polish citizenship after BREXIT to protect it and keep that connection to my heritage ‘official’. However, it has been a long and difficult journey to discover, accept, and embrace my identity and, after reading Prothero’s (2023) paper, I have realised that my name still attracts some difficult gender-ised experiences.

Every now and then I will receive and email that reads “Hi Leslie”. I accept that it is common in the US for “Leslie” to be used for women however, in this scenario, they had to know my name to send the email (and as the email is usually a reply to an email I have sent, my name is literally at the bottom to copy and paste). It has always irked me when this happens, it takes mere seconds to check after all, but I never fully understood why it bothered me to this degree. After reading Prothero (2023), I cannot help but question if gender is a part of this…

By calling me “Leslie”, “Lesley” is being consigned to the “other” thus, I am being made the “other”. There is a denial of my existence in not acknowledging that there is a specific female version of “Leslie” (much like Francis/Frances). I am once more being cast out from the crowd, taking me back to those destructive teenage years. My name is part of who I am, and further, it is one of the most difficult parts of who I am. It took 20+ years for me to accept “Lesley Niezynski” as a positive part of my identity, that is a journey that should be treated with respect. To neglect to make the effort to include me in the conversation as me (not Leslie) suggests that you do not care about my contribution, my worth, my value, my existence as a woman or as a human.
Now, it is not always men who make this spelling error however, this is perhaps reflective of the patriarchal society in which we find ourselves, we simple follow the common/majority thought, that it is not a problem that the Andy’s, Lesley’s, Chaz’s, Frances’s, Jo’s, Danny’s, and many more neutral names that exist are mis-gendered by man and woman alike without thought or consideration (I omitted non-binary there as it is likely their own struggles here will lead to enhanced consciousness of addressing individuals but there are likely to also be those who defy this assumption).

In addition, this experience extends beyond gender; millions of individuals find themselves pressured to choose an “English” name because western people choose to diminish the importance of their true names with “oh I can’t pronounce that” (another common experience with Niezynski). There will be times when one chooses another name because they want to and this should be respected, as to deny someone their desired name, denies their views importance and thus, their worth as a human.

For some reading this it may sound extreme to react so strongly to mixing up an “ey” with an “ie”. I mean it’s hardly a big deal right? It’s just a name, no one is saying you are not important because they spelt your name wrong. You’re overreacting, stop being so dramatic, it’s just one tiny cut, it’s hardly even bleeding…

References

Prothero, A. (2023) ‘Me, the Patriarchy, and the Business School’, Journal of Management Studies, https://doi.org/10.1111/joms.12985

Gerwig, G. & Baumbach, N. (2023) ‘The Barbie Movie’, Warner Bros, Heyday Films, LuckyChap Entertainment