Accounting for Humanity

This weekend I will make my way to my first conference of the year (there are currently 2 planned) and, as always, I will undergo my pre-event ritual.

In the lead up to a conference, I always imagine how I will act. I will introduce myself to people, engage in conversation with people, and make new contacts. In short I will lay the foundations to meet my profile-boosting aspirations but then, reality always hits.

As I pass the threshold of the venue, as if by magic, all of that confidence vanishes and I become a conference goblin; hiding at the back and in the corners of the room, stealing food and running away at the first opportunity. I leave every conference infuriated with myself for, yet again, having failed to engage like a mature professional adult. every event becomes a missed opportunity, a reminder that I am not rid of my social anxiety.

I can engage in discussion, I can and do ask questions at presentations and seminars but in the social/networking domain, my less than developed ‘small talk’ skills see desperately seeking the nearest exit.

So what can be done? Admittedly I am not entirely sure, I know this time will be different as I am presenting however, I remain completely uncertain if, or how, this will change the social experience for me. If I follow the approach that I have taken in my writing, perhaps I can manage my expectations better. Instead of envisioning my sudden transition into a masterful communicator and extrovert, I remember that I am an “working through social anxiety introvert” and set reasonable and small goals for myself.

Only time will tell what will happen however, there will be much to learn this time so let us hope that all goes well.